Trust Issues (affairs: hiding cell phone; texting; suspicious absences)
Increase in Arguing or Negativity
Lack of Affection (Sex)
Increase in Anger, Hostility and/or Sarcasm
The main problem for most couples is a lack of skills: often in the areas of communication, anger management, commitment, conflict resolutions and/or intimacy.
You may not know how to successfully resolve ongoing hurts/resentments; betrayal of trust; affairs; cheating or other infidelity-related issues; verbal abuse; anger; or lack of closeness in your relationship.
The good news? These skills can be taught to motivated couples.
If You're Having One or More of the Signs Listed Above Call Me at (858) 735-1139, So Your Situation Doesn't Become Worse
Most of us enter marriage by way of the “in love” experience. We meet someone whose physical characteristics and personality traits create enough electrical shock to trigger our “love alert” system. The bells go off, and we set in motion the process of getting to know the person. At its peak, the “in love” experience is euphoric. We are emotionally obsessed with each other. We go to sleep and rise in the morning thinking of one another. We long to be together. People who are “in love” have the illusion that their beloved is perfect and dreams before marriage are marital bliss. Unfortunately, the eternality of the “in love” experience is fiction, not fact. Long-range studies on the “in-love” phenomenon show an average life span of a romantic obsession is two years. Eventually, however, we all descend from the clouds and plant our feet back onto the ground again. We recognize that some of the personality traits are actually irritating and behavior patterns are annoying. They have the capacity for hurt and anger, perhaps even harsh words and critical judgments. Those little traits we overlooked when we were in love now become huge mountains.
Welcome to the real world of marriage. Where arguments center on which way the toilet paper comes off and whether the lid should be up or down. In this world, a look can hurt and a word can crush. Intimate lovers can become enemies, and marriage a battlefield. So what do we do? Are we destined to a life of misery with our spouse or should we jump ship and try again?
Presently 40 percent of first marriages in this country end in divorce. Sixty percent of second marriages and 75 percent of third marriages end the same way. Apparently the prospect of a happier marriage the second and third time around is not substantial.
Research seems to indicate that there is a third and better alternative: We can recognize the in-love experience for what it was (a temporary emotional high) and not pursue “real love” with our spouse. That kind of love is emotional in nature but not an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth. Our most basic emotional need is not to fall in love but to be genuinely loved by another. It does not require the euphoria of the “in love” experience. In fact, true love cannot begin until the “in love” experience has run its course. That kind of love begins with an attitude. A way of thinking that says I’m married to you, and choose to look out for your interests.
So how do we meet each other’s deep emotional need to feel loved? By learning your spouse’s primary love language and keeping each other’s love tank full, the whole world looks bright and you can make your efforts at love more productive. Then the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we ever felt when we were infatuated.
(Dr Gary Chapman)
I teach couples to learn the right language, apply the right principles, and soon they come to know the profound satisfaction and joy of being able to express their love and feel truly loved in return.
If you would like to find out more about the 5 love languages, please call me at (858) 735-1139.